1) Responds to others by:
a) Fixing Emotions
b) Anticipating Needs
c) Solving Problems
d) Taking Other's Responsibility
e) Taking Care of Others
f) Trying to be all things to others

2) Feels:
a) Panicky
b) Insecure
c) Uncertain
d) Needed

3) Needs to:
a) Rest on Self-worth
b) Give Responsibility back to other
c) Take Responsibility only for self
d) Recognize Caretaking
e) Look at self-life

Tries to meet needs of needy person in order to be needed & valued

TRANSITION: When the needy person fails to respond in the desired fashion, the caretaker can become the VICTIM or the PERSECUTOR


1) Responds to others by:
a) Threatening
b) Punishing them, withdrawing sex
c) Anger / Intimidation
d) Silent treatment
e) Violence
f) Using guilt

2) Feels:
a) Angry
b) Unloved
c) Threatened
d) Unappreciated
e) Hate

3) Needs to:
a) Forgive
b) Give up right to be loved
c) Recognize persecutor role
d) Let others change

MOTIVATION: Tries to force the needy person to change in order to feel secure & valued

TRANSITION: When the needy person fails to change and meet the persecutor's needs, the persecutor becomes the...VICTIM


1)Responds to others by:
a) Withdrawing
b) Depression
c) Sleeping / avoiding
d) Giving Up
e) Playing helpless
f) Crying
g) Complaining to others

2) Feels:
a) Hopeless / Trapped
b) Helpless
c) Unappreciated

3) Needs to:
a) Recognize victim position
b) Make a choice / decision
c) Take responsibility for self, not others

MOTIVATION: Tries to escape

TRANSITION: Victim becomes caretaker in another relationship